Language of Love
by ClaireBunni
Summary: After Marco's death, Jean's heart became stone-like. He couldn't love someone like how he loved Marco. After a mission in the army, he had enough of that life. Now, Jean is a junior in college in pursuit to be a pastry chef but a familiar face from the past shown himself and Jean's emotions started to shift. JeanxArmin, M for language and adult content. Hurt/ Comfort & Romance.
1. Forget-Me-Not

After the war, I couldn't go back. There was no way I could fight again. Watching the people I love and cherish die or even finding them dead. It's too much for me. I'm such a coward. Thinking back when I first enlisted in the army, I thought I'd take the safer route and stay in the boarders, but they all went, to fight for out freedom. I felt like I was pushed in a corner. He said so many nice things to me, told me a was a leader. What kind of leader doesn't realize that their own friend died on the battlefield? Who am I to be called a leader? After losing him, I thought I'd lose my mind, my heart became stone. I promised myself I'd never get close to another person again.

* * *

At the cemetery, when we grieved the fallen's death, I never knew how much I could cry until that day. I completely fell apart. I fell to my knees staring at his gravestone. My lips trembled, my voice hoarse, raspy, "Marco..." Tears overflowed, falling on my hot reddened cheeks. I gripped the earth under me, "Why did you have to die? Why did no one notice? Why Marco?!" I gritted my teeth, having the feeling of despair, self-hatred, and guilt take over me. I stayed up til it started to rain.

Hold long has it been? I'm soaked. Am I still crying? I can't tell anymore. I hear footsteps. Of course, this is a cemetery, people visit sometimes. Wait, the rain stopped. No, someone is covering me. I didn't have the strength to look up, all I saw in my blurred vision were these beautiful flowers being laid on Marco's grave. Who would put such flowers of a vibrant purple here? Someone touched my right shoulder, a shock went through my spine and then through out my whole body as the person bent down to my level and their hand moved across my back. It was warm. "Have you been shouldering this the whole time, Jean?" This voice, it shook me up. More tears flowed from my eyes as my body started to shake, unconsciously I hugged him, burring my pathetic face in his shoulder, leaning on him for comfort. The blond stroked my head, holding me as I just sobbed uncontrollably. After that day, I would never cry on someone's shoulder again. I'd bottle it up or cry alone. I was weak and pathetic. Not a leader.

_I'm sorry, Marco, I let you down._

About a week after this event, I was dispatched again to go back to war. We were promised that this mission would win us the war. Some how, I knew that was impossible. Even the commander and captain was part of this mission, they weren't kidding when they said that this mission was important. We drove in different section's covering about 5 miles, we all had our part in this. I was in Foxtrot as a sniper, once it was time, I looked over at Armin and said quietly, "We can't die now." Armin looked up at me, nodding.

It was time. We all moved out to out positions, moving closer to the target. This mission, they never gave us loss class the complete and total details of the mission, we just had to get there and get out. We where told about signals to alert the formation if anything goes wrong around us. There have been a couple times where we had to give a signal if we saw a group of enemies. I never encountered enemies, but the right flank did. About five hours into the mission and the group with Eren in it was almost there. I started to sweat pretty badly out of nerves and the heat. Even though it was night, it was still very hot. Looking through my scope, I looked around then I looked through my night-vision binoculars. Something was off. No one gave signals for a while. Did we get lucky? No way, that's not possible. Humans don't get lucky. I took a breath then I heard something in the distance. A bomb? I looked around, nothing, but the black smoke was in the air. I bit my lip, "Shit." I told myself, "I have to move, that's within a half a miles range."

I forced myself to move and as I ran, switching to a rifle and knife I heard a groan. Turning to my right, I saw yellow and red. My eyes widened, "A-Armin?!" I ran over to him, whispering to him, "What happened?" Armin coughed lightly, muffling himself, "T-The right flank was wiped out..." I took out my first aid and treated Armin's cuts. He lost a good amount of blood. How did he survive the blasts? He was even shot at. I bit my lip, my hands started to shake. Feeling Armin's hand slap my head I looked up at him, his face was serious, "You told me we can't die. Get yourself together, Jean! We have to survive!" I was shocked by his words and took a breath, "Right." We stood up and Armin started to run like he wasn't even injured. "How does he keep going?" I asked myself, following him.

We kept going, running, trying to find the enemy. Armin pulled on my sleeve, stopping me. "Jean... I- I think they are going for the left flank next." I looked at him confused, "What makes you say that?" Armin looked down, "They could just go for the center and get them then but I think they are trying to throw us off." Knowing Armin, he was right. "Shit... What should we do then?" I asked him, with anxious eyes. He looked at me and bit his lip, "While we can, we give the information to the commander and cover them. Mikasa is in the left flank. She's strong. She can handle it over there." As much as I didn't want to be okay with that, I had to trust them. "Let's go." Armin nodded, as we started to run, I sent out a message to the captain in charge of Eren's group to warn then and to inform them that the right flank was wiped out.

As we progressed I noticed small flashes once in a while when we passed some buildings. I glanced over at Armin and he had that serious, thinking face on. "He noticed too," I thought to myself. I noticed we started to veer off course, moving more and more to the right but I trusted Armin that he knew what he was doing. He was a smart guy, he'd make a great captain. I then realized something. I grabbed Armin and pushed him to ground. A shot was fired. I looked around, a man is on that roof. I gritted my teeth, aimed and fired a silent round, knocking off the man off the roof, killing him. Armin looked at me, "H-How did you know?" I pulled him up and kept running, "The enemy is signaling each other right? They think we are going to lead them to the main group but we are distracting them right?" Armin still looked shocked and a loss for words. After we hid behind some cars, I kept watch and Armin got word that the main group got to the target. I let out a relieved sigh, as did Armin. The blond solider looked at me and said quietly, "Now we have to get back to the base." I nodded looking around, I felt like I got lucky, but Armin barely got away and he doesn't look shaken at all. How am I supposed to be a leader? I can't do this anymore, being a solider isn't worth the torment and heartbreak. I'm not strong enough, but I can't say I regret it.

I looked ahead of me, my mission now is to protect Armin and make it back alive.

Armin said we shouldn't kill anyone unless it's necessary so it won't draw a lot of attention to us. It was better to be sneaky then to be obvious. By the time the sun rose, we somehow managed to get back to base. Armin breathed, "We did it Jean." I breathed, catching my breath, "Yeah." Armin looked at me and then his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he collapsed. I quickly yelled, "I need a medic over here!" I listened for Armin's heart beat, it was faint. "Damn it..." I thought to myself. "Armin! Stay with me! Come on! I told you we can't die here!" After the paramedics took Armin away, my heart started to ache again. I can't take this anymore. I'm done at this point.

After waiting many hours for word about Armin, the doctor said he was being taken back to be hospitalized. We were all brought back, after confirmation that the mission was a success. I was told to report to the commander's office. I knocked, and addressed myself asking for permission to enter. After permission was granted, I saluted and stood at attention. Edwin Smith, a strong man that was terrifying and mysterious. "Kirschtein, you and Arlert were one of the few survivors of the right flank and somehow managed to distract the enemy and come up with the idea that the enemy was going for the left flank." Edwin looked down at some papers, "After getting reports a few from the left flank you're theory was correct. They reported suicide bombers and were able to get everyone away and kill the bombers without setting off the bombs. As I listened all I thought was he was giving me credit and not Armin. I spoke up, "Sir, with all due respect, I do not deserve the credit given. Arlert was the one who conducted everything, I just covered his back, sir." Edwin looked at me and raised a bow. I then spoke up again, "Sir, After my two years are done, I request leave." I had only a few months left in the army, I minus well make this clear now then never. Edwin just looked at me and told me to leave. After I walked out I went to go visit Armin in the hospital.

* * *

"Armin, are you awake?" Eren was in the room talking to Armin, Armin laughed lightly at Eren. My eyes widened seeing this, what did I feel just now? I glared at Eren and the brunette did the same, "Horse face." Eren muttered under his breath. Eren looked at Armin and smiled, "I'll come by again tomorrow. See ya Armin." When Eren turned around, he glared at me again and I did the same. We always hated each other for some reason. I directed my attention to Armin that was in bandages, stuck to a IV and looked drained. Armin smiled at me, "Jean, did you come back from seeing the commander?" I nodded and held up a bouquet of flowers, "H-here, I got these for you." Armin's face lit up as he took the flowers, "Thank you Jean! They're beautiful." Armin gave me a heart-warming smile, making my stomach turn. Does he like flowers that much? Armin touched the petals, "Do you know the language of flowers?" I blinked, sitting next to him on the bed, "Uh, no? I didn't know flowers could talk." Armin laughed at my joke and looked at me, "These daffodils, they mean regard; unrequited love; you're the only one; the sun is always shining when I'm with you."

My face burned hearing Armin say that, I laughed it off, rubbing my neck, "I just got them because they reminded me of you. I didn't know they meant that." Armin looked at the flowers and continued to smile, "Thank you, Jean." I smiled back, then the nurse came in and said that Armin had to rest and take his medicine now so I had to leave. I looked at Armin and said, "Good-bye Armin." Little did Armin know, that would be the last time I'd see him.


	2. Lavender Heather

Red roses, meant something romantic right? I never put much thought into it, it was just common sense. You'd give red roses to someone you love on Valentine's Day or a special occasion but I don't do that kind of thing, since the person I love is dead. How many months has it been? How many years? I don't remember at this point, my life is slowly becoming one big blur. I only remember crying, regretting a lot of things that occurred in my life. After his death, I swore to never cry again. Placing the bouquet of flowers on the grass in front of his gravestone I prayed that he was doing well and not suffering. I only wish that I told him everything from the beginning. How I felt about being a leader, being a soldier, putting my life on the line every time we left the boarders, how I felt about him, but it's too late now. I smile bitterly, staring at his name carved into the stone.

I let out a sigh and left the graveyard, heading back to the campus. I have classes today and I'd like to start working soon. It's a good pass time. I'm currently enrolled at a state college that was for anyone, even veterans like myself. I always wanted to be a pastry chef, it's relaxing, creating a work of art that was also delicious to eat, the girls are a bonus too.

Getting out of my silver BMW, the sky rumbled and droplets of rain started to fall. I grabbed my umbrella before walking to the campus from the parking lot and pulled it open. When I got to the doors of the building it started to really come down, I could hear people running and some girls screaming. I put my umbrella in a bag and carried it to my first class; English. As I sat down the instructor started to talk, he was a pretty old guy that still has a kick to him. He was rambling on about a concept of description and how to express something through vocabulary, or something like that. All that was on my mind was the cafe. I had to bake a lot of cakes and scones today. It's going to be slow but that meant I would be able to be in the back baking and not tending to customers today.

After we where dismissed I went to the campus bakery, my major at this school. The instructor greeted me and told us what we were doing today. We had to prep for a project that was kind of like a contest. We had to make a wedding cake for a spring wedding. It was probably a close friend of the instructor's. Today was just getting details on what the couple was like and design the cake. I sketched out a three tier cake with gold ring on it. "Hmm, white fondant would do, spring huh?" I thought to myself, trying to think of the best idea of spring. I scribbled down some notes to the side and before I knew it, the class was over.

A girl from the class approached me after class, "Jean! Wait up!" I slowed down, waiting for her, "Hey, what's up?" I smiled lightly at her, trying my best to fake a smile. The brunette smiled, "I was wondering what your idea was for the cake. I'm having a hard time thinking of something. You're one of the best people we have in the class and I look up to you. Your designs and pastries taste really good too." I laughed lightly, "Thank you, Rachel, but I'm having a hard time designing this one too so I'm not much help right now. My advice to you is to just imagine spring and put it in cake form." Rachel's eyes lit up, "Wow! I think I have an idea now! Thank you Jean! I'll see you tomorrow!"

The brunette ran off to her friends that were waiting for her, giggling and smiling, talking about something happy I guess. I don't talk to many people here, not even upper class men to help me. I did everything myself.

"I'm here!" I shouted coming through the back door. "Come on Jean! We have orders to fill and you are just getting here?" Sasha snapped at me and I just sighed, "I had school." Sasha was an old class mate of mine back when we where kids. She's the manager at this cafe and I was the chef. It was a small cafe but we where popular in the area; it's good business. I pin up my hair, threw on my apron and washed my hands. After prepping everything I walk up to Sasha, getting the orders. "Are these in order?" Sasha nodded and greeted a customer, "Hello! Welcome to Angel Feather Cafe!" I walk into the back and started to make the batter for the cakes. There was a lot of yellow sponge cake and lemon cake orders this time.

As I worked I listened to some music, kneading the fondant and cutting out the shapes I needed. Suddenly something hit my head, I look over in the direction were the flying object came from and Sasha walking up to me, "Jesus Jean! Pay attention! Look, a customer wants a french pastry and I don't know what to offer!" I wiped my hands on the apron and said, "Offer them the Pomme Tatin au Sirop d'Érable." Sasha nodded and then went back to the front, talking to the customer. I glanced seeing it was someone blonde with medium length hair. I just shrug and went back to work. It was really relaxing, working with my palms, molding with my fingers, "Jean! They want a fresh one!" I groaned, hearing that, "Tell them it's going to be about 20 minutes!" I looked at the timers for the cakes in the oven and then started to prep the Pomme Tatin au Sirop d'Érable. It was one of my best works and everyone loves it. Apples, caramel, pecans. It was the best sweet, salty and crunchy I can make. Its also good with this cold, wet weather.

After about 25 minutes of running around between all the cakes and the french pastry, I was able to get everything done. I had to let the cakes cool anyway so I minus well hand the customer the pastry myself. I walk out to the front and a few people were chatting, no one resembled the person that I saw earlier. "Maybe they left," I thought to myself then I saw at the window seat, a person with blonde hair in a small messy bun, coffee in hand. I walk up to the person and cleared my throat, "Excuse me, did you order the fresh Pomme Tatin au Sirop d'Érable?" The person laughed, "I didn't know you spoke french." It was a man, but not just any man. The man turned his face and his bright blue eyes met mine, "A-Armin?" Armin's face lit up and smiled at me, "It's been a while, hasn't it, Jean?"


	3. Petunia

With confusion and guilt starting to flood my mind, I stare at the man sitting in front of me. His smiling face is the same as back then; kind of like the sun or something like that. Looking at his physical appearance, he has matured a lot in the past four years. It makes me feel like I never grew up. Armin was nearly my height but he was still pretty thin compared to me but I was sure the army whipped him into shape more. I stopped working out as hard as I used to when I was in the army but it was a good stress relief.

Armin looked at me and asked, "Are you busy right now?" Rubbing my next, I think about what I have to do for the order and sigh, "Yeah, I kinda am." Armin took a bite of the freshly baked pastry and his face lit up, "Jean! You really have a talent for this." Thanking the blonde, the questions just keep popping up, making me feel more and more uneasy.

"Jean! I have another order for you!" Sasha yelled from behind the counter. "Comin`!" When I looked back at Armin he was writing something on a notepad, "When you're not busy just call or text me." Handing me the paper, Armin stood up, finishing his coffee and smiled at me, "I'm glad you're doing well Jean. Well, I'll see you soon."

I held the paper with the phone number on it in bewilderment, "W-wait. Hold on a sec Armin! How the hell did you find me?" Armin stopped when I asked him that question, but then he lifted his index finger to his lips and smiled, "It's a secret." Armin walked down the street after that. "Jean! Get your ass back in here! You are still at work!" Snapping back I stomp into the shop and went back to work, working on the orders and prepping for tomorrows line up.

Armin's obviously aged face kept popping in my mind. It was a shock to me, seeing that kid the way he was. His hair was longer in a small bun and he had more creases in his face. The army really takes a toll on a person. How many more years did he stay after I left? I work in silence, pondering to myself these questions, "Hey Sasha? Did Armin come by here before?"

Sasha walked to the back where I was, holding her stomach, sighing lightly, "Hmm, not that I remember, but he did call earlier asking if I knew were you where. He sounded concerned. Did something happen back when we were in the army?" My eyes shifted to Sasha back to the cake and bit my lip, "I left the army after my two years where up and I stopped talking to Armin. We nearly escaped a mission with our lives. After seeing Armin collapsing, my memories flashed back to Marco..."

Gripping the table, I bared my teeth, feeling the emotions rise in my chest, "I- I didn't want to see that happen again. I couldn't bare the burden of someone's death on me again." Squeezing my eyes shut, leaning over the table, I felt Sasha's hand move across my back, trying to comfort me, "Jean, you still think about Marco don't you? His death wasn't your fault. We all went out there not knowing what we were getting ourselves into. It's been six years Jean. You have to let go of that. I watched people die too, we all did. I almost crap myself every time a bullet is shot, but I kept going. Armin is the same, he was the few that stayed with Levi and Erwin. He's a smart guy, he knew what he was doing."

Somehow, Sasha made some of the emotions go away and I looked at her, seeing a pained smile, "A-Are you okay?" Sasha laughed lightly, "Yeah, the baby is just bouncing off the walls right now. It's such a rowdy one." I laugh along with her, "Just like you and Connie."

"Alright! Enough chit-chat! Finish up the orders then you can go home," Sasha punched my arm, smiling at me, "Don't worry, Connie will be here later to clean up for us." She gave me a thumbs up and smirked. Those two where meant to be. The are so much alike. I pull out the paper and looked at it. After shoving it back into my pocket, I let out a sigh and continued to work.

A couple of hours had passed and I finished all of the necessary work and orders. Removing the dirtied apron, I pull out my cell phone and the paper Armin gave me earlier and shot him a message, "I'm off on Sunday if you want to meet up then."

"I'm leaving now. See ya tomorrow Sasha." Waving me off she called out, "Don't keep Armin waiting now!" "What is that supposed to mean?!" Sasha just laughed as I slam my car door, my phone then started to vibrate.

"That's fine. I have a half shift at work so maybe we can meet at the McDs on North Blvd?"

I raise my brow, thinking to myself, "Armin works? I thought he was still in the army?" I shake the question, throwing it in the back of my mind for now and just messaged him back, confirming our meeting place.

Getting into my apartment that was a few blocks away, I drag my feet up the stairs to the second floor and unlocked my door. Dropping everything at the door, I carry my heavy body to the bed and groaned, "I don't want to move..." A couple seconds passed and I finally decided to change into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black muscle shirt. "I'll shower tomorrow morning. I'm too exhausted from today."

I checked my phone again to see if Armin messaged me, "Sounds good. I'll meet you there at around 3pm! :) G`night" I responded with a 'night' and put my phone in the charger, setting my alarm and fell into a deep sleep after that.

* * *

_Writter's Note: Thank you everyone for your reviews! You guys help me fix my errors with the characters and making sure I'm in check with them. Please continue to read my stories and I hope you enjoy what I write._


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